On Over Parenting
Don’t handicap your children by making their lives easy. ~ Robert A. Heinlein
Too often we give children answers to remember rather than problems to solve. ~ Roger Lewin
Over parenting is basically, parenting bling! Too much and not nice at all. It hampers the development of the child, and fails as a parenting style. Over parenting means exactly that – completely overdoing the parenting bit. Going so far as to vicariously live through your kids. Making all their decisions for them, deciding what’s right and wrong for them, assuming that they are too naïve to know what they want from life, are too inefficient to make the right choices for themselves, constantly telling them what to do, which friends to hang out with and which to avoid, telling them what to wear, what stream to pursue graduation in, whom to marry, when to marry, and so on and so forth. You get the gist, I assume. And this way of raising kids is WRONG. There’s a term for such parents – Helicopter Parents – always hovering above their kids.
With over parenting, you are only crippling your child in every way possible. Sure, you have the best intentions at heart, but unintentionally, you are ruining your child’s chance at a normal, healthy, happy and emotionally satisfying life. You are caught up in the material things that you think will lead your child on the path of happiness. But while doing so, you totally forget/ neglect the emotional and psychological aspect of raising kids. To put it straight across, at the expense of hurting emotions, such parents are control freaks and want to control each and every aspect of their child’s life, and are usually despised by their kids, if the kids have managed to develop their own opinions in spite of such parents. This style of parenting is usually well intentioned, but sometimes it is to feed the ego of the parents. The oh my child needs me as much as before, although he’s all grown up, and cannot do a thing without asking me, is a very ego-massaging cushion to sleep on. These kinds of parents are too scared to let go of their kids, they fear that they won’t be needed anymore, and so the more their kids grow, the more they want to control them.
Over parenting is an absolutely unhealthy way to raise a child, and over parenting effects in kids are pretty adverse. If any of you identify with what is mentioned in the above paragraphs, then please stop! The more you try to control your child’s life, the more he will resent you and your attempts at being important in his life, for the children of such parents will escape at the first opportunity that they get, and will think twice about letting such parents back into their lives.
One has to know how over parenting affects one’s child, and it’s not in a good way. The kids that grow up with super parents / helicopter parents, show the following signs:
They become introverts and are usually reserved and shy.
They are not able to handle confrontations or conflicts and resolve them in a healthy manner, because they are so used to having their parents sort out everything for them.
They usually have very low self esteem, low confidence, and over time they tend to believe that they are indeed incapable of making any decisions for themselves.
Such children grow up to be lazy and dependent without any sense of their individuality, because they usually have all the decisions made for them by their parents.
When the time comes for them to make decisions, they feel totally lost and keep asking other people continuously about what they should and should not do, and keep putting off making any important decisions.
Unrealistic expectations from parents puts them under a lot of stress, and they usually end up depressed if they fail to live up to their parents’ expectations, often failing to realize their worth. They measure their worth from their parents’ point of view and often end falling short. Conversely, such children always expect to be cushioned from all the bad things in life, because that is what they are used to, and they cannot handle tough situations.
The only thing that I can say to such parents is that, let your children breathe. Let go a little, and give them a chance to be all that they can be. They can and will learn to take care of themselves. So far I’ve not heard a scraped knee leaving indelible psychological scars on any child’s psyche. Let them breathe, let them live, let them fly with their own wings, and see their own view. Do not restrict them to your view.
On Attachment Parenting
Always kiss your children goodnight – even if they are already asleep. ~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
There are two lasting bequests we can give to our children. One is roots. The other is wings. ~ Hodding Carter, Jr.
Attachment parenting, as the word suggests, is all about bonding with your child on an emotional plane, providing secure and solid attachments for him, so that although he is encouraged to do his own thing in life, he knows that his parents are always there when he needs their guidance and help, without forcing their opinions and beliefs on him. Attachment parenting focuses more on giving guidance, nurturing your child’s uniqueness, his talents, instead of forcing him to be like everyone else, and then breathing down his neck constantly about being the best at being ordinary. It’s a gentler, more nurturing and fostering way of raising children, and teaching them that they have to fight their battles themselves. It’s good to win, but it’s OK to lose sometimes too, and it says that you will celebrate their wins, and provide a shoulder to cry on if / when they lose.
The backbone of attachment parenting is respecting your child as an individual with his own talents and flaws, his own opinions and beliefs. It means not treating him as someone who ‘belongs’ to them, who they have a right to dictate, to tell him how he should lead his life, etc., simply owing to the fact that they played a part in creating his life. The main benefits of attachment parenting are that it stresses on the socio-emotional development of the child right from his birth and realizes the importance of physical contact – hugs, pats on the shoulder, holding hands, rubbing backs – basically any touch that comforts and nurtures. It is the importance of responding to your child’s emotional needs and not dismissing any feeling as trivial or unimportant, and the importance of putting the child before the ambitions and expectations of the parents from him.
One of the main points that gives attachment parenting the thumbs-up in the debate of over parenting vs attachment parenting is that, in the attachment school of parenting, the parents are in sync with the emotional and psychological development of their child. This means that they are better able to set realistic expectations from their child, unlike in over parenting, where the parents expect their child to be the best at everything he does, irrespective of whether he is cut out for that particular thing or not. Setting realistic expectations and not burdening your child unnecessarily, is a key factor in ensuring mental and emotional well-being in children. And lastly, in attachment parenting, when the child can handle and satisfy his own requirements, he is left to his own resources, instead of having his needs fulfilled anyway, just to ‘make things easy’.
But it is not all rosy, and there are a few cons of attachment parenting too. These cons though, are more for the parents than for the child.
It becomes difficult for parents to strictly adhere to the attachment school of parenting, and can be the cause of major stress for parents, specially if a support group is absent.
Critics and child care institutions, like The American Academy of Pediatrics, have strongly disagreed against co sleeping that is an important part of attachment parenting, and medical experts are against another important part of attachment parenting – non circumcision – since they say that this practice may expose the babies to heightened risks towards particular diseases, and may also cause problems later on in life.
Experts say that attachment parenting instills a sense of over-whelming obligation in parents, which, if they fail to fulfill, causes them stress and an overload of guilt.
Non believers of attachment parenting say that it is not very much different from mainstream parenting, and that it doesn’t become superior over mainstream parenting simply because of its labor intensive approach.
But in spite of the few cons of attachment parenting stated above, in the argument of over parenting vs attachment parenting, the obvious winner is attachment parenting, since very clearly, there are no long-lasting negative impacts on children in this type of parenting. There may be minor temporary differences, which can be sorted out by healthy discussion. My vote will definitely go for attachment parenting, because the benefits of attachment parenting far outweigh the cons of it, and the cons are pretty negligible when compared to the over parenting effects on kids. All said and done, it is almost impossible to raise children with a set of rules and regulations. It is more of a journey that the parents make with their children, and you just have to find the best way to get to your destination, while losing as little as possible along the way. And every parent knows his child best, so it is eventually up to them to raise their kids in the way they think is right.
I’ll leave you with some food for thought -
If I had my child to raise over again
I’d finger paint more, and point the finger less.
I’d do less correcting, and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less, and know to care more.
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.
I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I’d run through more fields, and gaze at more stars.
I’d do more hugging, and less tugging.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I’d teach less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.
When the little ones are around 6 months old, they often start showing their own personality traits. The little munchkin will run riot in the house, as most babies tend to crawl and some tend to walk around as well. With increased movement, you will see that the nourishment needs of the baby increase a lot. This is along with the fact, that the little angel will want to experiment with every morsel that he eats. Therefore, it is not a wonder that mothers want to know the baby food for 6 month old. Since the baby is in mood for exploring, it is the right time to introduce soft finger foods, which the baby can hold on to and nibble on for sometime.
Baby Food for 6 Month Old
It is important to note that your baby has just started eating solid food, therefore you will have to be slow and feed the little one just a little of solid food. It is advisable to nurse or bottle feed the baby first and then give him some solid food. Milk has to be the important nutrition to the baby at this stage, therefore it should not be off the radar.
Cereals
Single grain cereals are the first baby food, which can be given to your angel. The right cereal for each baby will depend on the baby itself, as each one of them will be able to digest the cereals in varying quantities. The pediatrician will be in a better position to tell you the right cereal for your baby.
Fruits
Pureed fruits are not only the right baby food for 4 month baby, but also for 6 month old baby. Since the babies do not have a well-developed digestive system, giving them cooked and pureed fruits is recommended. Cooked fruits will not cause a lot of strain on the developing digestive system of your child. However, fruits like banana, need not be cooked before they are given to babies.
Vegetables
Like fruits, cooked and pureed vegetables also make for good baby food for a 6 month old. It is best to stick to vegetables like potatoes, sweet potatoes, zucchini, etc., which become pulpy when cooked. When you are introducing vegetables make sure you introduce one vegetable and wait for a couple of days, before you introduce the next one to see how the little one takes to the vegetable.
Legumes
The little munchkin is now ready to eat legumes as well. However, you will have to ensure that the legumes are well cooked. They should be cooked, so that if mashed they are pureed. Only one legume should be introduced at a time.
Homemade Baby Food Recipes for 6 Month Old
Contrary to popular belief, making baby food for 6 month old is not a difficult task. It just needs a little understanding of the digestive system of your little one.
Fruit Surprise
You will need half banana, half avocado and 1 tablespoon of natural plain yogurt. De-skin the avocado and place it in the blender. Make small pieces of banana and add it to the blender as well. Blend the fruits and then add yogurt to the mixture and puree till smooth.
Sweet Potato and Carrot Delight
Take half sweet potato, one small tomato and half carrot and cook them individually till soft. Peel the sweet potato skin and mash it with a fork. Cut the carrots into small pieces as well. In a blender mix mashed sweet potato, carrots and tomato together along with a pinch of nutmeg and salt as per taste. Strain and warm the soup a little, before you give it to your little munchkin.
Potato Treat
Most babies end up savoring this treat, also it is the easiest to make. Boil a small potato. De-skin it and mash using a fork. Add a dash of salt, a pinch of sugar and one teaspoon of yogurt to the mashed potato and mix well. It can be given to the little one at any time of the day.
After reading on baby food for 6 month old, you will want to know how much baby food for 6 month old is ideal. If you have not already started feeding the baby with solid food, then you will give about 1 to 2 ounces of solid food to the baby. However, if the baby has been eating solid food, then you can give 4 to 6 ounces of solid food. It is advisable to consult your baby’s pediatrician for the right quantity of solid food for your little one. Also ensure your little one is not allergic to any of the solid food that you give him.
Toddlers get bored with the usual cereal, vegetable and fruit menu. Moreover, the calories obtained from breast milk or formula milk are no longer sufficient to meet the energy demands of these tiny tots. Introducing new foods to your baby in his or her first year, will be much easier than trying later on. Nevertheless, if you haven’t introduced new foods so far, it’s alright. It’s never too late to begin. Let’s find out some ways to introduce new health foods to toddlers.
How to Introduce New Foods to Toddlers
A mother may be concerned as to how and when should she introduce new foods to her toddler. Let’s have a look at some different types of nutritious foods you can introduce to your little one.
Introducing Meat
Meat is rich in proteins and iron, which are both essential for the baby’s growth and development. You may have already introduced strained meat to your baby, when he or she was between 6 to 10 months of age. However, some may even have started as early as 3 to 4 months. It varies from baby to baby. Nevertheless, now is the time to introduce meat pieces. Chop well-cooked meat into tiny bite-size pieces and introduce it to your child. Some children may quickly adapt to the taste of meat, however, some may not find it so appealing. This is quite natural, because the texture of meat is entirely new to them. However, this does not mean they are rejecting meat. They just require some more time. Try introducing meat again a few days later.
Introducing Fish
Fish is rich in protein and omega-3 fatty acids, however, it must be introduced after the child has attained at least 6 months of age. It is important to debone the fish thoroughly. Double-check for any fine bones, as they can result in choking. Avoid giving the skin portion as well. Just press the steamed flesh between your fingers and feed it to your child. If your child rejects it, try again next week (provided there have been no allergic reactions). This time, try baking, grilling or shallow frying the fish. Changing the method of preparation may also help. Your child may like the flavor of grilled fish, but dislike that of steamed fish. So keep trying different preparations. Since fish like swordfish, shark, mackerel, etc. are known to be high in mercury levels, avoid feeding your toddler these fish varieties.
Introducing Eggs
Since many babies are found to be allergic to eggs, parents must be cautious while introducing eggs to their little ones. It is better to introduce only the egg yolk at the age of 6 months. This is because in case your child is allergic to egg, it will be towards the egg albumen or egg white. So avoid introducing the egg white, until your child has attained one year of age. To introduce an egg yolk, peel a hard-boiled egg and separate the egg white. Mash the yolk with a fork and give tiny bits of it to your child. Don’t worry if your little one rejects it the first time. Eventually he or she will develop a liking towards it. You can introduce the egg white once your child is a year old. However, if you have a family history of egg allergies you can wait longer, before introducing eggs to your infant.
Introducing Tofu
Tofu can be introduced to your baby after 8 months of age. To introduce tofu, you can crumble tofu pieces. Put some in your child’s mouth. Don’t expect your child to eat more than half a teaspoon of tofu, in the first attempt. The texture and flavor are new to your infant’s taste buds and it will take a few tries before he or she gets used to it. Tofu can also be crumbled and mixed with a vegetable puree and given to your child. If you have silken tofu, prepare a smoothie with a mango and banana and feed it to your little one. Children are not mostly fond of hot or cold foods. So make sure, what you are serving is tepid. The temperature of the food can also cause the toddler to like or dislike a particular food item.
Introducing Wheat
At about 8 months of age, one can introduce wheat products to the little one. However, wheat is usually introduced after other grains, such as rice, oats, barley, etc., have been introduced. If your child is not allergic to these grains, it’s unlikely your child will have gluten allergy. Well-cooked pasta is something you can introduce. Get different shapes of pasta, which your child will enjoy feeling and chewing. However, make sure you look out for gluten sensitivities. Moreover, most children are not fond of seasonings to a great extent, while some are. Alter the flavor according to your child’s liking. If he or she doesn’t eat it bland, try making it next time with some seasoning. Usually if the mother takes seasonings in her diet, the flavor will pass on to the baby through the breast milk. Thus, such babies will like seasoning.
Things to Remember while Introducing New Foods to Toddlers
- Try introducing only one new food item every week. Don’t overdo it.
- Introduce one food item and then check for allergic reactions.
- Give your child time to look at the food, touch it and examine it for as long as he or she likes. Don’t hurry them.
- Depending on your child’s motor skill development, he or she may want to hold a spoon. Allow them to do so and try to feed themselves. It may be a messy affair, however, it will encourage your child to try new food items.
- Don’t pressurize your toddler to taste or eat anything. This will cause the little one to dislike food-tasting sessions.
- Do not introduce new food items when your baby is extremely hungry, cranky or ill.
You may get all kinds of advice from family and friends, regarding the best time to introduce new foods to toddlers, however, it is best to consult your pediatrician before doing anything. Moreover, be patient and persistent. Don’t be quick to assume that if your child has rejected most of these new foods, he or she will be a picky eater. Let your child take his or her time to develop an interest in these new foods. All the best!